Archer

“Archer.”

“Arthur?”
“No, Archer. A-R-C-H-E-R. Archer.”
“Ohhhhh! Archer... That's different.”

     I have had this conversation about a thousand times over the past year. I adore my son's name. I have since the moment I first typed it onto my “baby names list” on the notepad of my phone forever ago. I love everything about it. I love the way it sounds, I love the way it looks written out, I love how it looks on his wall... I love it. What I don't always love is the reaction that other people have to it.

     Don't get me wrong, I have had a handful of people who have told me that they love it too. Interestingly, the name is a much bigger hit with men than it is with women. Maybe that's because it's a manly name, or maybe it's because men as a whole just really don't care what I've named my kid and they are just doing what men always do, which is say whatever to just shut me up. Regardless, I'm fine with it either way and I also don't mind the usual “that's different” reaction that I get now that Archer is actually here. The things that surprised me were the reactions that I got before my little bean arrived.

     In the months during my pregnancy before Archer was born but after we had announced that we were finally expecting, I loved answering the questions that people had for me. I was so excited to finally be pregnant that very little could have offended me in the beginning. The questions were always the same.

 “When are you due?”

“July third.”
“Do you know what you're having?”
“It's a little boy.” (Insert an image of me absolutely bursting at the seams with excitement.)
“Boys are great!!! Do you have any names picked out yet?”
“A few, but my favorite so far is Archer.”
“Arthur?”
“No, Archer. A-R-C-H-E-R. Archer.”
Blank expression
“Oh, Archer. Have you ever considered Arthur?”

     I was amazed that people would actually suggest different names other than the one that I had already stated outwardly was my favorite and they were always very common names that were suggested. Which is fine. Common names are nice too, but it isn't like they were names that I had never heard before, something unique that I may not have already considered. They were names that I had heard a million times over my 34 years on this planet. If I liked them they would probably already be on the list. I actually had people suggest the name “John” to me. Not that John isn't a perfectly lovely name, but it's clearly one that I already knew was an option so if it wasn't already on my list, that probably wasn't by accident. “How about Matthew?” They would say. “Richard?” The most common names in the history of man.  “Why not Michael or Joseph?” Usually I would just say that I was hoping for a name that he at least wouldn't have to share with 3 other kids in his class in school every year.

     After a while, and after getting some absolutely insulting responses, I began being as rude back with my answers. “How about Ralph?” they would say. “Isn't that another word for vomiting?” I would ask back. Or if they would make a face like they didn't like the name Archer, when they gave their suggestion I would squish my face up like they did and say “Oh no, I hate that name. That's an awful name.” Or I would laugh really, really hard at their suggestion and say, “Are you serious?” I won't lie, it felt good.

     I had one friend tell me, just out of the blue one day that her mother hated the name Archer when she told her that I was considering it. Pregnancy Tourette's shot right back at her, “Well I hate what she named her kid too, so I guess we're even.” She just looked at me. God, how I miss pregnancy Tourette's.

     When my husband and I first started thinking of baby names we didn't know if our little bean was going to have an innie or an outie, so we considered all names equally. We have a nice Italian last name, so I felt compelled to give my baby a strong Italian first name. This was easy with our choice of a little girl's name. We both agreed on Cecilia immediately. For a boy we considered Salvatore, a family name or Nicola or Nicholas. All nice names, but none caught my ear quite like Archer.

     Jim was afraid that people would think that we had named our son after the television character, Sterling Archer. This is a cartoon, which is geared to adults about an international spy who has as much of an interest in women and alcohol as he does in espionage. It was his one, single reason for taking it off of my list every time the conversation came up. While a huge fan of the show, he didn't want people to think that our first born had been named after a raunchy cartoon, which I completely understood. But the truth is, that is where I first heard the name and immediately feel in love with it. So, month after month I kept bringing it up as an option and Jim kept taking it off of the list.

     I tried to love other names. I liked the name Gage a lot, I liked Greyson and Ridley. I liked Ian, which is Jim's middle name but nothing could compete with Archer in my mind. If I were a boy I would have been named Jason Robert, so I considered that as a name, since my bean and I also shared a due date, but I always came back to Archer. To me, it sounded noble. It's a name that I think would look as perfectly in place sewn onto a jersey as on a fancy nameplate on a successful lawyer's desk. I think it sounds fun, yet professional. I can picture calling a little boy Archer or a grown man. It was perfect.

     Some people would hear my name choice, and without missing a beat follow up with, “What about a family name? Do you have any family names that you like?” The truth is, no I hadn't considered any family names because we aren't super creative with that in my family. We have a lot of men named Thomas and Larry and my husband's family is worse. There are about a hundred James Tesauro's out there in the world. Hence, why Jim did not see a James Junior in his future. This suggestion did clue me in on a technique that I later used to dodge rude comments, however. I started answering the “do you have any names picked out” question by saying “Archer Stanley, after my father,” which cut down on the criticism and suggesting of other names significantly because people assumed that I meant Archer was after my father.

     The truth is, Stanley is actually my father's name and baby Archer's middle name. This was an absolute no brainer. Jim and I both see my father as the absolute gold standard of fathers and just men in general in this world, and couldn't think of a better namesake for our little boy. Nothing warms my heart more than seeing my father carry my son around and proudly introduce him by his first and middle names. It makes my day every time.

     Eventually, I wore Jim down as I always do and found myself making wall decorations spelling out my little love's name. To this day I love writing it in cards and on gift tags for him. It really is a great name. When I look at him, I can't imagine him with a different name. He just looks like an Archer to me. When people tell me their baby names, I always just say, “That's cute.” Doesn't matter what the name is. It could “King Lenard Poopy Face” and I would nod politely and say, “That's cute.” You want to know why? Because it's not my kid. I hold absolutely no stock whatsoever in what they are named. I'll call them whatever you want me to call them. I guess that's all I wanted in return. “That's cute.” I didn't ask for an opinion. You asked me a question and I simply answered it. No opinion necessary.

      I'm not sure why anyone felt like I wanted their opinion on names. I certainly never asked. It was always them who asked me if I had thought of any names yet. I continuously told myself that I needed to just say that I didn't have any idea yet. But what can I say? I was excited. My cousin had the right idea. She and her husband just told people that it was going to be a surprise after their daughter was born. That was a great plan. I wish I had thought to do that.

     Happily, people do start keeping their opinions of the name to themselves after the baby finally gets here. Now when I say his name, they usually ask me to repeat it once or twice, but other than telling me how “different” it is, they tend to keep their thoughts to themselves and for that I am eternally grateful.

     We still struggle at times, however. In the fall, I took little Archer to the polls with me to teach him about voting in the local elections. Walking up to the building, we were swarmed by a pack of old ladies who all made over my handsome guy. As usual, I repeated his name three or four times before just giving in and letting them call him “Carter.” It is what it is...

     I write this post not to complain or vent, but to... well, actually yes. I write this post to both complain and vent, but also to inform. If someone is having a baby and asks for your opinion on names, then by all means, be honest and give your opinion. But if you are the one to ask what name someone is considering, just follow it up with a pleasant, “That's cute,” or “That's nice,” or whatever variation of that sentiment that you prefer. At the end of the day, naming your child is a very personal thing and a huge decision for new parents. Consider how badly you would feel if they threw out a name that they really loved because you made them second guess themselves. They could regret that choice forever. In the end, I think the negative comments from others were the very thing that demonstrated to me just how much I loved the name Archer, regardless of whether anyone else liked it or not. So I guess I owe all of those people a “thank you” on some level. A big, one finger thank you anyway.