Very little feels within your control when you have been trying
unsuccessfully to get pregnant for a long time, least of all your own
body. You marvel at how easy it is for everyone else around you
(although I am learning only after starting this blog, that I was far
from alone in my pain.) I did find one thing however, that not only
gave me a sense of understanding and control but also eventually gave
me the answer that I had been searching for.
About 6 months into our endeavor, I began to worry. While I had
fully expected to get pregnant as soon as I decided I wanted to, I
also knew that it was normal to have to put in a little effort. I
wasn't a teenager anymore and my eggs were a bit more hard boiled
than ideal. So, as any well educated individual would do, I began to
look up blogs of random strangers whom I had never met and knew
nothing of their background or motivations to help me to determine my
next step. And I thank you now, blog reader for returning the favor.
In all fairness, these blogs were a lifesaver. Not only were they a
comfort emotionally... I'm not alone. But I did actually gain a
wealth of knowledge from this band of sisters who had been in my
shoes over the years and had generously decided to share the results
of their legwork in trial and error.
I learned the codes for things. LO
means “little one.” 2WW is “two week wait” or the Luteal
phase of a cycle. AF is “aunt flo” meaning a period or if you're
super fancy (or age appropriately mature), your menstruation. I
learned that the cute little emoticons of a smiley face with wings
represent babies who have passed either through miscarriage,
stillbirth or as infants, and that a “rainbow baby” is a baby
that is born following one of these losses. I learned that at one
moment you can be reading a silly post recommending standing on your
head after DTD (“doing the deed”) and the next find yourself
crying tears of sympathy for a post written by a mother who had
suffered her forth miscarriage in a row. I read about women who got
pregnant very easily over and over again, only to suffer the loss of
those pregnancies over and over. In those moments I felt grateful
that I had at least been spared that pain. I couldn't then and still
now can't even imagine what they must go through each time they
experience that loss. My heart absolutely breaks for them.
I fell into the category of women with
a completely different issue. We were women who had never in all our
years actually seen a positive pregnancy test, never even had a
pregnancy scare. This concerned me. Even though I had always been
careful, and even though always within the confines of a serious,
monogamous relationship, I had had a lot of sex from the age if 18 to
33. Based on odds alone I felt like I should have had at least a
scare at some point. But never. My period always came early it
seemed. It was always a surprise. What had seemed like nothing of
note for the majority of my life, now began to reveal itself as a
real issue. Something was wrong.
I've never trusted doctors. I'm not
sure where this distrust of them came from, but I will tell you
working in a hospital didn't help... So I knew I wanted to avoid the
medical route as much as possible. At least at first. About a year
into my adventures in blogs I had come across quite a few women who
had found success with acupuncture. If you aren't aware of this
alternative medical practice, it is the key component of traditional
Chinese medicine. It involves having thin needles inserted into the
body at different acupuncture points to achieve various medical
outcomes, most often pain relief. Yet, a number of women have
successfully utilized acupuncture to achieve pregnancy by improving
the body functions that regulate fertility. I was game. 100
percent.
My experience with acupuncture was a
very good one. I never felt calmer than after I left a treatment and
while it wasn't successful for me, I believe that if my schedule (and
wallet) would have allowed for more frequent treatments it could have
helped. I did gain one huge step in the right direction from this
treatment, however. My acupuncturist suggested that I begin
charting. This was the single best advice that I had gotten from
anyone during this time, and while I didn't chart seriously for
another couple of months, she had planted the seed.
I knew of charting. I knew it was a
thing people did. I had seen the pathetic, middle aged TV characters
who joked about their temperatures and needing to have sex that
minute due to their temperatures changing. All I knew about charting
was that I didn't want to be that. I didn't want to be that woman.
That woman who made sex a job. Well, get your time card ready Jim
because there's work to be done!
But I didn't mind
charting to help the acupuncturist. She needed to know where I was
in my cycle for appointments. This is how she knew which acupuncture
points to utilize at any given session. So she needed me to chart.
If you are
interested in charting I highly recommend “Taking Charge of Your
Fertility” by Toni Weschler. Truly, it should be required reading
for every woman the day they start their period. You should get that
book, a box of tampons and some chocolate as a “welcome to
womanhood” gift basket. It explains exactly how your body works and
I can tell you, you will be shocked by what you don't know. I had no
clue just how amazing and complex the reproductive system actually
is. It is the end all be all book of charting and it became my
bible. It is amazing the amount of information that you can gain
from a seemingly simple chart.
When charting,
there are specific things that you check everyday or almost everyday.
These include your basal body temperature, your cervix position and
your cervical fluid, oh my! It sounds gross, and to be honest it
kind of is, but the amount of information that you can gain over
seeing your monthly patterns is invaluable. Sometimes things go as
planned and you feel like, “hey! Look at me, ovulating right on
time. Good job, ovary!” While other times, I found myself
checking my cervix position and like so many Pinterest crafts, mine
just didn't seem to do that. But there is real information in
both of those situations that gave me an actual direction.
Thanks to charting,
I was able to determine that my fun early periods were a real issue.
A luteal phase defect that had real answers and things that I could
do to remedy the situation. Without charting that likely would not
have been discovered due to the medical community's methods of
testing and treatment. It truly made all of the difference in the
world for me. While you can chart on paper, I found it easier to use
an app. Fertility Friend, pictured above was the one that I chose to
use but there are many other options out there. Generally they all
calculate for you when they believe that you ovulated or your new
cycle began based on the information that you enter.
Charting is an
interesting experience. You become very aware of yourself. There
are very specific rules and guidelines to charting that make it about
as unpleasant as possible without being actually painful. But you
actually do get used to it. Everyday you wake up with a weird sense
of anticipation almost like when you were a kid and you had an
experiment to do for science class. It's not your favorite class and
it kind of stresses you out and the teacher is a real bitch but
you're curious to see how the experiment is going to turn out.
Before even opening your eyes you pay attention to the position of
your lips. Was I sleeping with my mouth open? No? Good. Then you
begin barely moving the muscles that it takes to reach a silent,
tired arm out from under the warm covers to the nightstand where your
hand perfectly finds it's target yet again. Your basal body
thermometer. The one that Amazon says is the most accurate out there
and it has to be true because a woman in a blog from 2012 says this
is the one she used when she conceived her miracle baby. Opening
your lips just the sliver that it takes to fit in the tip of the
thermometer you wait for that sweet beep. Those 30 silent seconds
are filled with questions of your future. What will those little
digital numbers have in store for you today?
Beeeeeeep. You
leap from the bed as if on fire and gaze at the tiny numbers on the
gray screen. Your resting body temperature. A wealth of knowledge
some days and a crusher of dreams on others. I loved temping. I
felt it gave me a sense of control where I had none. I also feel
that it saved my marriage. It allowed for days that you really don't
feel like having baby making sex, or any kind the of sex at all
frankly. It allowed for downtime. I knew the days that it was
important to do the deed and the days when we could just relax and
be us.
Your temperature will be low right up until you
ovulate. After an egg is released, your temperature will spike
(known as a thermal shift) anywhere between approximately 0.4 degrees
Fahrenheit to a full degree. Some lucky ladies may also get a brief
warning temperature dip the day before to really accentuate this
rise. Your temperature will stay high until the first day of your
next cycle when it abruptly drops back to normal along with all of
your hopes and dreams for the future... or it doesn't.
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