Dear Newborn mommy,
The first breath that your new little
one takes into his lungs will be his first on this Earth. He is a
newborn. A newborn to this world and for the next few months
absolutely everything around him is brand spanking new. Life as he
knew it in your safe, warm womb will never again be the same. He
will experience discomfort, cold, fear and lonesomeness for the first
time. He will experience hugs, kisses, funny faces and love as well.
It will be a whole new existence for him.
The first breath that you take after
giving birth is also your first. It's your first as a mommy. You
are yourself a newborn of your own kind. You are a newborn mama and
your whole world has changed in a flash in ways that you could never
have imagined as well.
Forevermore, the volume on the rest of
the world will be permanently turned down. Your heart is now
existing outside of your body and that precious little person will be
the center of your universe. Things that used to be super important are
now just a soft little whisper in your mind and things that used to just matter
now barely even exist.
You are going to be terrified. But
that's okay. As a matter of fact, you are going to be a lot of
things and they are all okay. Whatever you are feeling. It's okay.
You are sharing that feeling with a million other new mothers around
the world. You may not feel bonded to your baby immediately. That's
okay. You may feel so tired at times that you rethink this whole
mommy gig. That's okay. You may simultaneously feel at once
completely alone and like you will never get another moment of
privacy as long as you live. That's okay too.
You will look at your current life
situation and think, “What have I done?” I had that thought more
than once and that is after trying really, really hard for a very
long time to get pregnant. This was no accident. I learned what to
expect, I prepared and I still had that thought at times and that's
okay.
You will be amazed at the things that
come out of your body after giving birth. You are going to feel like
you will never be normal ever again and to be honest, you won't be
yourself again for a while. But one day, you will look in the mirror
and say, “Hey, there you are” and you will be back, albeit a
little saggier for the trip. But there nonetheless.
You are going to laugh harder than you
ever thought possible. You are going to cry more than you ever
expected. Both are okay.
You are going to forget what your old
life as a childless person was like sooner than you expect, other
than the naps. You will remember and long for those forever.
You are going to feel like a walking
sideshow everyday and you are going to look around at the other
mother's around and think that they look like a Gap catalog. Believe
me, everyone is living their own personal circus. Some just have
better costumes than others. Every mother you see is feeling exactly
the same way. Everyone is hoping that no one else notices what a
freaking mess they are.
You will be amazed at the things that
you frowned upon other mommies doing before you had kids of your own,
that are now a regular part of your daily routine. My child
co-sleeps, has no set bedtime, crawls on floors everywhere and puts
my filthy cell phone in his mouth. He and I battle and these are the
battles that in less than 9 months he has won. I'm certain that I
will be waving my surrender flag many more times in the future as
well and I'm okay with that. You should be too. I once saw a
picture of a baby laying on the floor of a mini mart while the mother
stood over her fumbling with her things at the checkout counter.
While I would never actually accept this practice as my own, I
completely get it. I can't tell you how many times that thought has
crossed my mind when I needed two hands to complete a task in public.
Wouldn't ever do it... But I totally get where her mind was.
If you are planning to breastfeed, you
are going to get to the point, especially early on where you dread
the next feeding. Your boobs are going to feel like they are ready
to explode and your nipples will feel like they are being sliced with
razors. I felt anxiety going to bed in the early days because I knew
the pain that was headed my way. The only way that I got through
those first six weeks (the websites are right, those are absolutely
the hardest) was looking up blogs by women who assured me that at
some point it does, in fact get easier. It does. And you will get
there too.
Your first thought when picking out an
outfit to wear will not be the style or the fit to your body anymore,
but the ease with which you can get to your boob. You will begin to
classify clothes that have “just a little bit of breast milk” on
them as “still clean.”
If you don't choose to breastfeed, then
that's okay too. Because the only thing that can make being a new
mommy harder is pressure. Pressure from family, pressure from
husbands, pressure from yourself. If you start a practice and
realize that it's not for you for whatever reason, then stop. That's
okay too. We live in a time of options. Use whatever option you need to
maintain your sanity.
Newborn mommy, you are going to learn
to do EVERYTHING with one hand. You are going to be amazed at how
adaptable you actually are.
You will leave the house satisfied that
you have only one small, barely noticeable spot of human bodily fluid
on you. You will be amazed how many human bodily fluids you can have
on you before you will consider changing your outfit.
You are going to poop and pee when it
is convenient rather than when nature calls. Nature is going to get
pissed at you for ignoring so many of her calls. The majority of
your conversations will now contain the words “poop” and “pee”
and detailed descriptions of each.
You are going to forget to eat. You
are going to forget to brush your teeth. You will find yourself up
at hours that you haven't seen since your college drinking days.
These evenings will include the same amount of vomit, but
significantly less alcohol.
Your plans of organization and
schedules are going to fall by the wayside much faster than you
expected and much sooner than you are willing to admit to others.
You are going to feel like you are failing much of the time. Know
that you are not. Know that it's okay to feel that way.
You are going to be the busiest that
you have ever been in your life, yet accomplish less than you ever
have. You will proudly review your day, patting yourself on the back
for getting both yourself and your baby dressed and the laundry
folded and put away today. Doesn't sound like much, but when you are
doing it with one hand and a boob out for the better part of the day
it is an absolutely brilliant accomplishment.
You will be amazed at how long you can go
without washing your hair. You will be surprised how little you care
that your hair is filthy.
You will find the alphabet song is
stuck in your head while little else will stick in there. You will
learn to shop for your entire grocery list for the week in the twenty
minutes that you have between meltdowns. These meltdowns include both the baby's and your own. You will feel guilty a lot.
All of these things sound negative
newborn mommy, but I can't stress enough that they are not. They are
all just a part of your own rebirth into a new, better version of
yourself. Navigating this foreign land for the very first time will
be difficult but not impossible. This new version of you is superior
in every way. She is less selfish, more mature and nurturing and
better at prioritizing than she has ever been before in her life.
She is at once protector and teacher, cheerleader and comforter. She
is and will always be the soft spot for her child to fall.
Newborn mommy, you are going to be
embarking on the most amazing adventure of your life, with more joy
than you thought that your heart could contain. You are going to
experience love like you have never known before and belly laughter
that will melt your heart. You will experience highs to the heavens
and lows that are lower than you ever thought you could fall, but
during all of these times, know that you are never alone and that
whatever you are feeling today, is okay.
Sincerely,
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